Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(620): View more from Kansas

Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.

(1-620): View more from Kansas

No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.

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(620): Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night. (1-620): No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man. http://tfl.nu/p24k

Replies (9) Good night (1588) Bad night (649)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation

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(908): my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation http://tfl.nu/55rf

Replies (12) Good night (1809) Bad night (781)
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(989): View more from Michigan

i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow

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(989): i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow http://tfl.nu/zmy7

Replies (11) Good night (2181) Bad night (852)
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(410): View more from Maryland

He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.

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(410): He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college. http://tfl.nu/mdh1

Replies (25) Good night (1262) Bad night (3822)
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(917): View more from New York City

I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.

(917): View more from New York City

Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.

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(917): I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads. (917): Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful. http://tfl.nu/kyyh

Replies (23) Good night (7516) Bad night (813)
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(315): View more from New York

Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.

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(315): Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library. http://tfl.nu/bcrx

Replies (16) Good night (4541) Bad night (840)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.

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(610): He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember. http://tfl.nu/2y89

Replies (6) Good night (2043) Bad night (1172)
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(540): View more from Virginia

i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.

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(540): i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective. http://tfl.nu/c9ng

Replies (3) Good night (3942) Bad night (943)
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(646): View more from New York

How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.

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(646): How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope. http://tfl.nu/0uer

Replies (2) Good night (1443) Bad night (612)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Love me.

(781): View more from Massachusetts

GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just for one nugget?

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(508): Love me. (781): GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS. (508): Just for one nugget? http://tfl.nu/9y03

Replies (6) Good night (2913) Bad night (844)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.

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(503): Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting. http://tfl.nu/qfm2

Replies (1) Good night (537) Bad night (916)
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(623): View more from Arizona

I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby

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(623): I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby http://tfl.nu/cxps

Replies (6) Good night (1058) Bad night (519)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?

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(314): Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave? http://tfl.nu/zqej

Replies (3) Good night (707) Bad night (289)
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(631): View more from New York

I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance

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(631): I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance http://tfl.nu/yvxa

Replies (0) Good night (475) Bad night (719)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore

(508): View more from Massachusetts

it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10

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(617): you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore (508): it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10 http://tfl.nu/2xhn

Replies (0) Good night (873) Bad night (350)

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