I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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