im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
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i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister