definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face