she woke up with a sticky ear
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
