Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
