first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
