There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
