I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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