Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I could fuck to npr.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
