I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
