We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
