A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
