he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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