SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
