an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
