Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
