When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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