genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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