and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
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I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
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Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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