im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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