I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
