He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
