you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
