OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
