just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
