Cold hands, warm shart.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.