We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
