we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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