Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
