Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
