my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
