I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
