get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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