you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
