four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
