so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sobbing to NWA
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize