I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
even my farts smell like vagina
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
