Princesses don't give blow jobs
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
