as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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