I'm sorry my penis didn't work
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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