i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
