i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
