if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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