My Higher Power is John Stamos
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
