I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
