I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
