go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
