im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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