If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
