Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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