I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
