i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
