I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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