sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
