Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
