I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
