So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
