If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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