Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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