Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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