break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
