I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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