On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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