I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
