Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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