Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
