ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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