If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've blown a few things in my day
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
